Apology Letters for Cheating: The Complete Guide

For decades, scientists (and individuals) have attempted to de-code that most mysterious of relationship phenomena: cheating. Why do people cheat? How can you tell if you're being cheated on? And for some, what should you do if you are one of the millions of people who, instead of being that pitied cheatee, is the cheater?

There's a great deal to discuss here, and much of this site is devoted to doing just that. However one topic that is often overlooked (perhaps because it is so pitiful to think of) is what one should do if they, after cheating, they are looking for romantic reconciliation. This is not an easy pathway to navigate. Between a gauntlet of condemning friends and family and a slighted love who proceeds with a revenge carte blanche, a cheater must contend with enormous obstacles in order to win back the love that was once easily their own. Does that mean that reconciliation is unattainable? By no means.

So how should one proceed? If you are indeed looking to win back that lost love, a good way to start is to write an apology letter for cheating. A letter has a number of positive attributes that make it a good starting point, one being that you as the writer have absolute control over its contents. You can be as honest and forthwright without losing composure because (tah-dah!) a letter doesn't have to be delivered live. Furthermore, letters presesnt concrete, endearing evidence of your sentiment. While words can be delivered quickly and with insincerity, letters are considered more thoughtful and honest than a brief oral apology, and therefore have a more powerful affect. And lastly, should cheating be the cause of a relationships' end, a letter presents a very useful platform for discussing sensitive and emotional scenarios without losing your cool.

With that in mind, if you're considering writing an apology letter for cheating, you're going to need a basic template for how your letter should flow. Let's begin.

Apology Letter for Cheating Template

• Greeting. No joke, how your apology letter for cheating opens may be the difference between the thing being read and the thing being burned. Therefore, you want to make you greeting as sincere and catchy as possible (a tricky mix, I admit). It's also best to downplay your intent. If you are writing your letter for reconciliation purposes or simply to ease your conscience and get some closure, you want your letter to be written with the same level of care and tone. In general, opening your letter with a basic, truthful statement is a good idea. Ex: I miss you.

• Grovel, grovel, grovel. Now's no time for pride. After you've stated how you feel, it's time to get serious. Cheating, as you are probably painfully aware, is a serious offense and you need to get down on your verbal hands and knees. Apologize. Say you're sorry even if you have already. You'll want to extend upon this. Apologize for any pain you caused, any deception, any small detail related to your affair, etc. Emphasize here that what you did was wrong, that your partner was undeserving of suffering, and that you feel intense remorse over what has taken place. Don't be spare here. Make your apology as extensive and sincere as possible.
  

• Make them an offer they can't refuse. If you're writing the apology letter for cheating in hopes of reconciliation, which is always a long-shot, you'll need to provide a desirable means for reconnection. Chances are a cheated party is at very least reluctant to date you again. They've probably discussed the issue in depth with friends and family, who've undoubtedly assured them that you aren't worth the ground you walk on. This means you're going to have to go above and beyond. Tell them that you'll do absolutely anything to get them back (and mean it). This can be anything from couples counseling, making a public statement, doing the laundry for the next ten years, etc.
  

• Drum Up Those Memories. Finally, parlay your apology letter for cheating into a reminiscence of a good time you had together. Ex: I miss the way we used to go biking on Saturday or read the newspaper together. Don't be afraid to be overtly romantic here. It is your romantic history that you need to fall back on, as your more recent activity has been -ahem- less than admirable.

• Close with dignity. Acknowledge that you're in a position of weakness and that you understand that you don't deserve a response. However, also remind your ex that you are only human and humans make mistakes. This doesn't mean that you don't love them or are a terrible person. Appeal to their humanistic side here. If you want a response, provide the recipient with a way to reach you, but be prepared for no response or an angry one. This unfortunately comes with the territory.
  

Note that the letter is devoid of details of your affair, discussion of the third party in all of this, etc. If you are indeed hoping for reconciliation, the last thing you want to bring up in a letter is the person involved in your affair. If you do get a reconciliation, this person/affair should be discussed at the desire of the cheatee. Furthermore, be aware that if you do want to resurrect your relationship with your stilted partner, this means killing the one you had with that third party. And I do mean 'killing.' No phone calls, no coffee, no nothing.

Granted, upon reading this and beginning your letter, it's very likely that you may be feeling a bit of ennui. Cheating in relationships is an emotionally draining and heart-breaking experience for everyone involved, and it's natural that you may feel extreme guilt/sadness/what have you. However, take heart. At very least, you can learn from your experience. Understand that millions of couples cheat and while it may be a less than admirable position to be in, regardless of your outcome, there is life after cheating.